390 - The Universe Within You

“Everything in the universe is within you." - Rumi

Whoever thought that meditating will be sunshine and butterflies, well it's not.

I've been into Buddism philosophy since 2012 and my level of involvement really depends on the books that I have rotating beside me - currently, they are from Pema Chödrön and Osho - so I've been (trying to) practicing awareness much more than usual.

And it's been ugly. The more I look inside myself, the more I am exposed to the ugliness inside of me. 

It’s the jealousies, the hate and all the insecurities wrapped in a package. And it made me very fearful, with all these doubts eating me from inside, I'm bound to crumble eventually.

It's very hard and it gets to me. I'm very moody and it's actually the little things that get to you unexpectedly.

But I think this in itself is a lesson too. I think the purpose of all of these is the continuity to move forward, beyond the fears and see where it'll take you. Not to expect something grand or ideal but to actually just live. Live with the experience that this is what being alive feels like.

It's always in the ordinary. It's always within us.

May your ordinary be filled with experiences too.

p.s. this looks like a weird EP cover. Lol But I like it enough so...

#portrait #wednesday #wet #girl #people #face #relaxation #woman #clean #bathroom #one #self-portrait #swimming #bath #skin #shower #adult #august #wash #bathtub #hygiene #moisture #dug-out-pool