Year

So it’s been a year. I couldn’t write anything that day. But all of this memories are still too vivid. I remember our last evening. I was laying on the floor next to him. Crying. He was so weak but he still was purring and cuddling. I woke up early next day. I was still sitting next to him and counting seconds. Knowing he won’t be back from the vet was overwhelming. He wasn’t even protesting when I put him into carrier. I think he knew. Or was to tired. He hated driving car with me but that day he was silent. I was talking to him all the time. Till he was conscious. And than I knew he didn’t see anything. He didn’t see me. I didn’t cry. I was screaming inside but I didn’t cry. I think I would, if I was alone, but I had support. We were talking to a vet for a while and than I took him home. And broke down. I was sitting on the ground next to my car and I was sobbing and crying. I didn’t see much but I remember touching him for the last time. His poor lifless body. I burried him on my own. I didn’t want to, at that moment I thought it didn’t matter where he would be. He was gone, so what’s the difference. But than I felt peace. That he went back home. And yes, I’m still crying when I think about that day. I have a hole in my heart and it can’t be healed. Of course I love Andrzej. But it’s different. It’s always different. Miss you Rudy, my Love.